Wednesday, February 13, 2008

The price of a workout

Working out is a part of my life that is not optional. I started back when G was 2 months old and it did wonders for my sanity; still does. Before G was born, I usually worked out in the evening after D went to bed. That doesn't work anymore; plus I never liked doing it then, I just felt like it was my only option. So now I take them to the Y with me and put them in the nursery.

I had to really work with D to get him used to going to the gym nursery. I joined the local YMCA when he was 11 months old, and from then until he was 2 1/2, every time I tried to leave him there he did nothing but scream. They almost always had to call me to come pick him up. It was awful. I'd try for a few days, then give up and go back to working out after he was in bed so I didn't have to mess with it.

Now D does ok. He doesn't love it, and often says he doesn't want to go. However, he does have fun once he's there, and as long as we go regularly he does pretty good.

G was the easy one. At 2 months old, they just held him; all the girls adored him. He was so sweet and mellow, they loved having him. But a few months ago, probably back in December, something changed. Perhaps separation anxiety? Teething? Both? I don't know. He started crying when I left him. Now he literally fusses or cries the whole time I'm gone, every single time. They don't usually need to page me, although I can't leave him for more than 30 minutes or he really melts down and they do. But he's upset from the moment I hand him off to one of the staff. They hold him, carry him around (and that's no easy feat, even for just half an hour - he's heavy!), and do their best to keep him calm. But he does not like it one bit.

I'm wallowing in mommy guilt over it and I'm dying for someone to tell me it's ok to leave him, even if he's upset. I know the staff there are good, and I know they'll page me if he cries hard. But still. He's always a little teary-eyed and splotchy when I pick him up and it breaks my heart. I hate handing him over and seeing him start to pout; he does the most heart wrenching boo-boo lip and these big crocodile tears trail down his cheeks. And I feel bad for the staff too; I see the looks on their faces when we show up. Oh boy, here comes the high maintenance baby.

Sigh. It's only 30 minutes. I'm in the building. If he really cries, they call me. And he'll get over it, eventually (right?).

I need that time. I went two weeks without a single trip to the gym due to all of us being sick and I felt like a slug. I need to be able to workout, even for just 30 minutes. I need it for the sake of my health, my hormones, and most importantly, my sanity. Right now I'm just hating the cost.

This mommy stuff is hard sometimes.

1 comment:

Me said...

One of the best gifts you can give your children is the gift of a mother who knows how and when to take a break, who knows that taking care of herself is the first step in taking care of them. You need to be healthy - physically, mentally and emotionally and for you going to the gym helps take care of all three at once.

It sucks that he gets so upset, and I wish that I could come up with some miracle solution you haven't already tried like a snuggly item that smells like you for that period of time, music that he loves...something, but honestly the biggest remedy is likely to be time. He and D seem to have in common that maybe this change thing isn't something they like...but they are going to call you if he gets too upset, it's such a brief period of time, and ultimately he will get used to it.

If it were an unsafe situation for him or something less important to your well-being, I might suggest a change, but the reality is that as bad as this sucks, it's ok. He's ok, and he's not going to be forever scarred by this.

Hugs, sweetie.