Wednesday, January 28, 2009


Maybe I should have some cheese with this.

I'm tired. Not so tired that I can't stay awake, really. That's how I felt with my first pregnancy. It's more like lethargic; I don't particularly want to get up and do anything most of the day. Obviously, that is impossible with two small children running around. But my house is a mess and I'm behind on everything. Every day I tell myself I'm going to make some progress, only to end up feeling like doing one more little thing is simply impossible.

I have a feeling this is a little bit like what depression feels like. Not that I think I'm depressed; I'm not even sad or upset, most of the time. I have my hormonal moments, but that's to be expected. I'm just having such a hard time getting up and doing things. I have to force myself to get out of the house in the morning, even when I have scheduled things to get to - preschool, for example. And although the days I go to the gym are considerably better as far as my energy level, I really have to force myself to go work out. It's pretty much the opposite of what I want to be doing. But the difference in how I feel on days I work out versus days I don't is so striking, I HAVE to keep doing it.

Still, I'm feeling whiney. Every day I feel like I'm drowning - in laundry, dishes, kids, you name it. I can't keep up and although I'm one of three adults in this house, no one else is exactly stepping up to the plate. Granted, I have learned by now that I cannot expect anything for which I do not explicitly ask - but sometimes I wish I could. I wish my husband or my SIL would pitch in a little more without me feeling like I have to ask 70 times. I asked my husband to put the laundry in the dryer last night and he rolled his eyes at me. I almost lost it on him and told him if he didn't do it, I'd be waking him up in the morning by pouring ice water on his balls. And I meant it.

I'm doing my best to keep juggling, but it isn't easy when my motivation is so freakishly low.

Oh, and my food aversions are becoming worse. I can't eat much in the way of protein and it's making it so hard to plan and cook dinners. Nothing sounds good, but if I don't eat enough I feel sick. It's a mess. Chicken is so my enemy.

I think that's all the whining I need to do now. I'll be fine, things could be worse, yadda, yadda. I know that. But for now, I'm tired of not feeling like myself.

1 comment:

Mandy said...

I'm sorry sweetie. ((hugs)) Pregnancy is one of those grueling tasks that can look so easy from the outside. At least when the belly gets huge, people can start to see why it might be hard to get around, but you need help sooner than that.

Taking care of two boys is enough, add in growing a third, taking care of the house, cooking, etc and of course you're beat.

I agree that you shouldn't have to ask over and over for help or point out the things that are needed all the time, and the asking can be tiresome too.

Can you make a list of things that don't necessarily have to only be done by you? Then look at that list to see what can (and maybe should) be done by someone else. I don't know exactly how that will look, but if you can present that list to your hubby and SIL and say "I'm struggling here,and I really need some help - can we divide some of this up a bit?" That's only fair.

I know SIL is in school and works, but ways she might be able to help out are vacuuming once a week, helping with dishes, cleaning the upstairs bathroom once a week. Or even watching the boys for you a couple of times a week so you can nap. Either way we're only talking a couple of hours at most but it would make a huge difference.

With hubby, it seems guys suck at seeing what needs to be done but if he's got a honey-do list (taped to his computer monitor maybe?) for each day, it might become habit for him before the baby is born.

It might also be a good time to try to find yourself a responsible teenage girl, experienced in babysitting. Not to necessarily use all the time but they tend not to charge a fortune per hour and can be a great way to get someone in to watch the boys on occasion so you can either nap, clean when you have energy for it without boys underfoot, etc. Or, you know, god forbid you guys want a night out.

I wish I lived closer.

OH! and I have to tell you - the word verification below is "hedrear"

Hmm....your hubby and that eye rolling thing?