Tuesday, February 10, 2009

11 weeks - and feeling a bit better

I guess I'm not 11 weeks exactly until tomorrow, but close enough :).

I think I'm finally passing through mild nausea and fatigue land. My tummy feels normal most of the time (although there are still a lot of foods that don't sound good and smells can be an issue), and I'm not so lethargic. I actually got all the laundry washed, dried and... drum roll please... put away! That is a feat, considering we've been living out of laundry baskets full of clean laundry for weeks now. It's nice to know we have a floor in our bedroom - and nice to know I'll be able to find socks in the morning. That's the worst when your clothes aren't put away; socks are impossible to find, particularly matching ones.

A few weeks ago, in one of my hormonal fits of "I'm upset but have no reason to be", I asked my husband (perhaps a little tearfully, although no drama was intended), what things he cared about more in terms of the state of our house. I knew I couldn't keep up with everything, so did he give a crap that the clothes were on the floor? Or was that bugging him every day as he got dressed? What mattered to him? I should have guessed his reply - food. He said keep him fed, and he's fine. The rest of the house can resemble a hurricane zone and he doesn't particularly care. So grocery shopping and cooking have remained at the top of my list - the rest gets done as I can.

In any case, I think I've turned the corner and hopefully the worst of the first trimester stuff is behind me.

I'm still having a little trouble wrapping my brain around the fact that there is actually a baby growing inside me again. The signs are there - my pants won't button (thank goodness for sweats and my belly band!), the whole nausea and fatigue thing, and you know, those two pesky little pregnancy tests that are still sitting on my bathroom counter as if I need the daily reminder of those two beautiful lines. I guess I still do. I have to admit, I've never thrown away the two tests I took when I found out I was pregnant with G. And I think the only reason my HPT from D's pregnancy is gone is because we moved and it seemed silly to keep it. What can I say - pee soaked test strips are hard to let go of, specifically when they say what you'd so hoped they would say.

I'm trying very hard, and succeeding for the most part, not to think about the baby's gender. I have a hard time believing it could be anything but another boy - which, for the record, would be great. But there is still that part of me that would love to have a daughter and I know this is my last shot. So I have a little anxiety over the whole thing. I hate the idea that I'd be "disappointed" if the baby is a boy, but there will be a little sadness at what I'll never have. Mostly happiness, because my goodness, I got this child without any trouble and the goal is a healthy baby. We all know that. But there's still the lingering knowledge that if this baby isn't a girl, I have to let go of my little dreams of Cabbage Patch dolls, pink tutus and tea parties. And in the grand scheme of things, that's perfectly ok. In fact, a baby boy would fit in so easily into our family, it almost feels like it would simply make sense to have another boy. I love having boys. And... well, we'll just have to wait and see, I guess.

I do need to report, for the record, that so far D thinks the baby is a girl and wants to name her Holly. How cute is that? I have no idea where he came up with that name. All of his other name suggestions are ridiculous, not even names at all. Today we heard "Nosey", "Poop-bottom", "Cry-pants", and "Gravy" (the last one being G's nickname). He's also suggests "Baby" pretty often. He's such a funny kid!

I suppose that's all there is to report at this stage of the game. I'm left feeling, once again, that pregnancy sure is long. But I'm grateful for that, really. I'm not ready to have a newborn just yet! I can see glimmers of hope that G will be somewhat easier to manage in the near future, so I'm setting my hopes on that. I'm glad we didn't get lazy with BC or decide to try way sooner; if I had a newborn right now I think I'd be in a looney bin somewhere. And I've probably said that already. Pregnancy brain, anyone?

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