Too much

Sometimes there is just too much going on at once.

I'm tired, obviously. I'm 8 weeks pregnant today, and as I said to my husband last night when he asked to be reminded how far along I was, it's still frickin' early. Let's be honest, in a lot of ways, the first trimester kinda sucks. The days before the telltale belly begins to show, before you feel the bliss of your baby moving inside you, you're stuck with queasiness, bloating that makes you just look fat, and utter exhaustion. That's the first trimester for me, anyway.

I'm not in terrible shape, so I feel bad complaining about it. I could be puking my guts out everyday. When it comes down to it, I'll take the random queasiness and food issues I'm having (I can barely eat anything with protein in it, especially meat) over horrible morning sickness. But still. I'm lethargic, tired and unmotivated and it's hard to keep up with everything. I'm ready to start feeling like myself again.

My house is a disaster. I feel like I'm behind on everything, but I'm having a hard time getting up and doing anything about it. Case in point, I had plenty of time to clean up the kitchen last night, but never got around to doing it. So it's still gross. I hate that, and yet it seems so hard to just get it done.

I'm so busy with work right now, and I knew the timing on this project was going to be rough. But not only do I need the money, I want the flow of work to continue, so the last thing I'm going to do is start complaining about being too tired to get things done. I'm supposed to write up this huge plan, and originally I was going to have another month in which to do it. But the meeting that was supposed to happen to kick off the process was snowed out back in December, and didn't get rescheduled until this past Monday. So I only just now have the information I need to get started - but the deadline is still the same. I'm so exhausted by the end of the day, it's very hard to focus, but I have 10 days to do a project that should probably take a month and a half.

Adding to my stress level, we're attempting to refinance our house to get a better interest rate, but things keep going wonky. I know it's the state of lending right now, but we just had one lender back out at the last second because they decided the appraisal of our house was $10,000 too high. How they made that determination from a desk in goodness knows what city, I have no idea, especially when the appraiser was actually here. But whatever. Rates went down again, and we have the chance to lock in a really low rate on a 30 year fixed loan. It would be so nice to make this happen, but we seem to run into glitch after glitch. We were just told today that we have to pay an additional half a point at closing because the bank is considering our previous loan a cash-out loan rather than a rate-term. I don't even know what that means, really, but what it means to us is suddenly this refi might not make sense anymore. And our broker is taking his sweet time getting us all the numbers we need to make a real decision.

I think what really stresses me out about the refi thing is that I'm the one in contact with the mortgage broker all the time, and so when I deliver news like this to my husband, I feel like he's somehow blaming me. He's not, and logically I know that. But he's upset about it (understandably so) and asking me all these questions that I don't have answers to because at the end of the day, I don't understand all these details. And I think what I'm afraid of is that my lack of understanding will lead to us making a bad decision - or perhaps was the reason our current loan is somehow being mislabeled by this new lender (because according to our broker, the old loan was supposed to be considered rate term, since we didn't take out any cash). Was it because I didn't ask the right questions? I've known our broker for a long time, and I know he's not the best communicator sometimes. He tends to leave out those pesky little details that usually don't matter, but sometimes they do. And I think this time they do, and it's hard not to feel like I need to take responsiblity for this not going the way we'd planned.

I'll get through everything, obviously. I'm just tired and wish I had a maid. A clean house would do me a lot of good, but I don't know how it's going to happen today. I still haven't even showered.