Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Feeling trapped

Sometimes it's hard not to feel trapped when you have a young baby. G is 6 months old and breastfed. He sees no use for bottles, therefore I can only be away from him for limited amounts of time. On the one hand, I know how quickly this phase of his life will go. It seems like D's first year went by in the blink of an eye. I know I won't feel so tied to him forever. But on the other hand, it's hard when you're smack in the middle of it.

We have two events coming up that will require us to be out of the house for several hours at least, after the boys are in bed. Usually it's the easiest babysitting job ever; or at least it was when it was just D. He goes to bed easily, and if he does wake up, he doesn't get out of bed (even though he could). Please don't let me jinx myself by saying that! But it's rare that he wakes up, and he's old enough that you can reason with him. You can walk in and say, "Sweetie, it's still bedtime, you need to go back to sleep." And he will. Ok, so it isn't always that easy, but it's so rare that he wakes up anyway, and when he does it's usually easy to comfort him and have him go back to sleep.

Babies are different, obviously. You can't walk into G's room and say, "Sorry kiddo, you just ate three hours ago, there's no way you're hungry right now. Go back to sleep, ok?" (insert insane sounding laughter here)

I shouldn't worry so much over these things, but what can I say, I'm an overthinker. I think about these things until the thought has been run through my brain so many times it must look like overcooked pasta. A soggy, wet, wobbly thought, noddling around in my brain until I feel like I'm crazy.

Of course, my husband says I am crazy.

I just want to be able to leave the house for a few hours in the evening without being on edge and checking my cell phone every three minutes. I know that the rest of my life won't be spent breastfeeding, and too soon I'm going to be missing when he was this cute, chubby baby. But we all need a break now and then and I hate feeling like it's impossible for me to get one.

I guess all I can do is hope for the best and encourage my friends to choose a restaurant that is close to our house.

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